Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
