Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
