hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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