Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
