I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
