Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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