the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
