hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
im on a boat
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