as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
