You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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