weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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