hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
