Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
