you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
