did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
