left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
