my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
