names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize