my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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