I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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