You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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