the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We named our party play list daddy issues
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize