we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
