Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
love makes seman taste better
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to sanitize my soul.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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