Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize