I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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