he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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