The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize