I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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