And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What a dumb baby whore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
