Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
