next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize