I bet he comes in French.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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