3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
