Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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