She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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