He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
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It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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