I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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