Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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