I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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