I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
