Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
