Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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