The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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