dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
