dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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