You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
