adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
