Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We don't watch enough power rangers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
