Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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