i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
