im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
