he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
false alarm. still invincible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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