I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
