Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
