ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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