my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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