i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
