wakey wakey hands off snakey
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
