I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
