a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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