Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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