You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
