my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
