Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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