This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
