I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
