from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
