Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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