Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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