Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
