But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
