They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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