I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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